It's not uncommon to find ourselves striving to please others, often putting their needs before our own. This behavior, while it may stem from a place of kindness, can lead to a reliance on external validation, overshadowing our own values and well-being. If you find yourself in this cycle, know that you're not alone and it's possible to find a balance.
Saying “no” to others, can mean saying “yes” to yourself.
Each time you choose yourself, your mind learns that it's safe to do so.
Here are a few ways to put this into practice:
Healthy Empathy: Healthy empathy serves others from a place of strength, not obligation. Unhealthy empathy seeks approval at the expense of one’s own well-being. Recognize the difference and strive for the former, honoring your capacity to care for others while also caring for yourself.
Understand the Roots: People-pleasing often has deep roots in childhood, family dynamics, and trauma. Understanding why you feel compelled to please can be a significant step in changing this pattern.
Don’t be afraid to Seek Support to gently explore these origins. Talking to a therapist or joining a support group can provide the tools and support needed to navigate this journey. There are specialists in trauma resolution who can help you with this. Gestalt therapy, and other types of Family Constellations also offer a framework that can help you with this. You might find resistance to asking for help. However, seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
Honor Your Limits: Learning to honor your limits is crucial. It's okay to say no or to take a step back when you need to. knowing your limits is a form of self-respect and it's essential for your mental and emotional well-being.
Cultivate Self-Awareness: Pay attention to the situations where you tend to people-please. Is it in certain relationships or specific scenarios? This awareness can help you start making small, yet significant changes towards being more authentic.
Cultivate Self-Love
Choose yourself daily: Recognize that prioritizing your needs isn't selfish, it's necessary. It's a daily practice to choose actions that align with your well-being and happiness.
Honest communication: Strive to communicate your true feelings and thoughts. Authenticity nurtures your self-esteem and fosters healthier and more genuine relationships.
Acknowledge the personal cost: Understand that constantly pleasing others can take a toll on you. Acknowledging this cost is vital in realizing the importance of putting yourself first.
Learn from role models: Observe those who balance assertiveness with kindness, those who are comfortable expressing their needs in a respectful way. There's much to learn from others.
The journey towards overcoming people-pleasing and seeking validation is a process. It involves patience, understanding, and treating yourself kindly. You're on a path to discovering a more authentic and fulfilling way of living, and every step, no matter how small, is a step forward.
